Relationships are complicated in and of themselves, but when it comes to turning a friendship into a romance, the transition can be especially tricky. With your feelings, and of course, a friendship at stake, dating a friend you’ve known for years can be the best — and most terrifying — thing ever. Needless to say, the deciding factor is whether or not your feelings are returned, and whether you gain a significant other or lose a close confidant. But while the future may be uncertain, experts say that there is a way to cross the line cautiously so as not to catch your crush off-guard and, at the very least, preserve your friendship if the attraction isn’t mutual. Ahead, you’ll hear from therapists who dish on the challenges and triumphs that can come with dating a friend, as well as one woman who tried it, herself spoiler: It didn’t work out in the long run. The gurus also give their pro advice on how to decide whether to pursue a romance and the best ways to go about it. If you’ve been thinking about sharing your “more-than-friends” feelings with someone you care about, read on to determine whether it’s worth the risk. Before blurting out “I love you” to one of your buds, it’s important to think everything through.
Dating Your Best Friend
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From Friends to Lovers: A Success Story
My best friend and I do this weird thing where we act like we’re dating. We refer to each other as “boyfriend”, we plan date nights, we hold hands, and we cuddle. If I go more than a day without seeing her, I need at least two days to talk about all of the things I needed to tell her while we weren’t together.
The hardest thing about dating your best friend is what happens if you break up. This song gives feuding couples and besties hope for the future.
Loving someone as a best friend and loving them romantically can be quite different. The problem is at first, this love sometimes feels the same. Take time to actually understand your feelings towards one another and openly communicate your thoughts and intentions. Moving from best friends to more-than-friends can be a big step, make sure you treat it as such. A consistent worry across the board is ruining the friendship.
While this is a valid concern, it is also an excuse. If you both really want to be together it is worth the risk. It is important to try to find the balance between protecting the friendship, while also making sure not to use this excuse as a crutch. Letting your mind worry about the past will only sabotage your happiness in the present.
However, this is easier said than done. Knowing who they have been with, especially if it is mutual friends, can be messy. So proceed with caution. If it totally wonks you out, maybe the timing is off and it would be healthier to wait until the dust settles a bit more. As best friends it feels like you can talk about anything.
Like a Rom-Com Protagonist, I Told My Best Friend I Was in Love With Him
This story is from The Pulse , a weekly health and science podcast. Subscribe on Apple Podcasts , Stitcher or wherever you get your podcasts. Steve Lehman was a college senior near Philadelphia when he started to realize something wonderful and terrifying. He was looking over at Katya Shipyatsky, a senior at a different, nearby school. He was afraid. But again, this was senior year, and life is short.
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When I was a little kid, I wasn’t sure how I felt about the idea of falling in love with your best friend. It seemed like something grown-ups loved talking about, my own parents included, but when you’re a kid it’s a baffling idea. For one thing, I didn’t have any male best friends as a kid, and though I might not have hit puberty at that point, I definitely knew that when it came to falling in love, I fell on the straight side of the spectrum.
Plus, all of the stuff I did with my best friends wasn’t exactly the romantic walk on the beach getaway to Sandals resort for couples that I expected to encounter in my romantic life. But in a way, I now get that it’s natural to fall for your best friend. After all, who else knows you better? And sure, sitting on the couch eating cookie dough doesn’t fit most of our traditional ideas of romance, but it’s definitely a more appealing thing to do with the potential love of your life than, say, braiding each other’s ponytails.
When you fall in love with your best friend, it can be the best thing in the world or the worst thing in the world. If they love you back, it can feel like the sky is the limit; it’s like a fairytale come to life. But if you love your best friend and they don’t feel the same way or you’re scared to share your true feelings, it can feel like eaten alive by flames.
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As a straight woman with a lot of straight male best friends I don’t harbor any romantic feelings for, I’ve always been confused by how people manage to transition platonic friendships into relationships. I mean, what happens to your dynamic when you go from buds who gab about your respective lives to being each other’s love lives? How much does a relationship change when you start dating your best friend?
As a straight woman with a lot of straight male best friends I don’t harbor any romantic feelings for, I’ve always been confused by how people.
Almost a year ago now, I started dating one of my good friends. I had known him for ages—for almost ten years now, in fact! Dating my good friend is amazing, but it also can come with a lot of realizations and life lessons. You guys already know each other so well, and now you can delve into that relationship in a whole new way. You never thought you could feel as comfortable with anyone as you do with your partner, because you and your partner have already known each other for so long.
OK, this could sound like a bad thing, but think about it. They know about all the stuff they did that hurt you. And they knows exactly what not to do—as well as what they can do to make you truly, unequivocally happy. The butterflies you get with a crush—especially when said crush likes you back—was the best ever because it was your FRIEND who you hang out with already. Getting extra excited for friend hangouts, making cutely awkward eye-contact, brushing against each other just a little more often than you used to.
For the next several years, we both had crushes on each other, but never at the right time. Dating your good friend makes the honeymoon period all the sweeter, but it can be hard, just like any other relationship.
If You Start Dating Your Best Friend, Remember These 6 Important Things
This week, Doc Love, author of ” T he System,” coaches a reader on the hard truths of falling for your best friend. We have a lot in common, so we spent quite a bit of time together, and I began to have feelings for her. There were times when we would end up sleeping at the same apartment after a party and we would get a little romantic, but we would never talk about it afterward because we were best friends.
I finally got the courage to tell Ashley that I had strong feelings for her and that I cared about her, and she said she felt the same way. I told her that I understood and we continued hanging out together. Then Ashley started to act differently.
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It can happen anywhere, and the connection is casual at first. You share a similar hobby or interest, you know the same people, you have similar jobs. Whatever the first thing to bring you together is, you realize this other person is pretty cool and soon they integrate themselves into your regular social circle. Not only do you share the first initial connection, but suddenly you start finding out a ton of other commonalities.
You like the same foods and music and just seem to get each other. Every time someone makes a joke about you two dating, you explain in exhausting detail and enthusiasm how that will never happen. No attraction, nope, totally platonic. You two could never work. Slowly, you start to notice their eyes. Like, really notice them.
And the stupid way they walk seems really cute all of a sudden. Then, one day they grab your hand as a joke and your heart jumps.
Advice for dating your best friend
My initial reaction was to reject the cute gestures and frank cheesiness, but after some authentic self-reflection, I knew that it was a relationship worth seeking. The mutual feelings were there — they always had been — so it was time to start seriously investigating. Once we finally made things official, our relationship, both romantic and friendly, grew to new heights.
Although our newborn adoration still demands growth and nourishment, it is clear to us that dating your best friend is, in fact, fun, lively and fruitful.
It’s like ‘When Harry Met Sally’, but in real life – you were just friends with someone for years and years, you knew all their unsavoury habits.
And that someone might just be your best friend, the person who has been there all along. Whether or not you have already thought of them in a romantic way, it is worth considering whether there is more to your relationship than you originally thought. Your hugs linger, you find yourself playing with your hair when you talk to them, and you regularly break the touch barrier. And on top of that, you often find yourselves bantering or teasing each other in a flirtatious manner.
If you find yourselves agreeing about these issues — especially the dating-related ones, then you are probably a good match! They are the first person you want to talk to about anything, and you both insist on keeping in constant contact when you are apart. In fact, you can even sit in silence without it being awkward. Whenever you are with them, you are happy and at ease, and everything you do together, whatever it may be, is fun. They can make you laugh and smile, even when you are feeling at your lowest.
No feigned happiness or commiseration here. They can be as candid, as comfortable, and as crazy as they like around you, and you still adore them. You even boast about their achievements and share their amusing anecdotes with the same enthusiasm as if they were your own. You can simply be yourself: no makeup, no fancy clothes, no perfectly styled hair. You feel more comfortable around them than with anyone else.